ALL THE THINGS I'VE LEARNED ABOUT SELF LOVE

 

 I’ll be talking exclusively about self love today. I’ll be sharing pearls of wisdom based on my own experiences and books that I’ve read. Self love has been defined in so many ways and it means different things to different people and I’ll be giving my own perspective and view about it.

Self love is not about posting a cute photo on your social media and giving it the #self love, it is not about splurging on expensive fashion items, it goes beyond going on vacations and heading to the spa. It’s so much deeper than all of what is usually being potrayed in social media. I’ll be sharing my own definition of what self love is towards the end of this post. I think self love has 6 core values that hold it together and it includes; Self awareness, Self Acceptance, Self worth, Self respect, Self expression and Self confidence. Everything comes together to become Self love.

The journey to Self love is a marathon not a sprint, it is difficult and tough but when you decide to do the work and take on the journey, the rewards are tremendous in every area of life, you will thrive in your interpersonal relationships. So let’s start tackling these core values one by one;

1. Self Awareness; The journey to self love starts right here. How can you love someone who you don’t know? It’s almost impossible to do so. The journey to self awareness is basically knowing who you are. I’ll like you to ask yourself a question right now “Who are you”. This question goes beyond your achievements, your race, religion, family background, culture and nationality. Who are you beyond all of these, I’m of the opinion that a person shouldn’t be judged based on all of these but instead who they are on the inside. What are your strengths, what are your weaknesses, what makes you happy, what makes you sad, what kind of environment do you thrive in, what triggers you, Are you introverted or extroverted, what kind of value do you have to offer to the people around you and the society at large. It is necessary to ask yourself these questions. Do you have your own thoughts or do you let society, friends and family do your thinking and do their expectations drive your decision making. It’s not worth it to live your life wearing a mask that has been painted on by family and friends. It is time for you  to get to know yourself outside of these influences, listen to your thoughts, get in touch with your feelings and what they mean. Start your journey to self love.

2. Self Acceptance; This is also an important core. Self Acceptance is when you’re at peace with who you are, your strengths and weaknesses, accepting you are a work in progress. It goes beyond “Take me as I am”. It’s having the strength to say “I’m not perfect, I have flaws, I make mistakes but I’m still a awesome human being and I’m constantly making moves to improve myself”. When you don’t come to the acceptance about who you are and be okay with yourself, Your self esteem and confidence will be shaken and it will cause you to long for the approval of others. If you accept yourself, the approval of other people won’t matter to you. Looking for the approval for other people will cause unhappiness and depression. Self Acceptance includes validating the experiences that have shaped you to become who you are, I want you to know that it’s okay to be YOU. You don’t have to be anybody else, You don’t have to be like anybody else. You’re awesome. We’re all unique in our own different ways even identical twins don’t have the same personality or interests and it’s perfect.

3. Self worth; I think almost everyone at some point has heard this term before and personally I didn’t understand what it means until recently. Your self worth is an estimation of your own value. A lot of people are not aware of their own worth, it’s why they would endure relationships where they’re not valued or appreciated. When you don’t see your worth,  You’ll look to others to define it and when you do that, you’re giving up yourself. Don’t let what you have or don’t have determine your worth. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO DETERMINE YOUR WORTH, You don’t have to fit into the box society has created to be worthy. The mere fact that you’re here means that you’re worthy, You’re worthy of respect, love, admiration. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be appreciated and it all starts with you, You determine your worth. If you carry yourself like a million bucks, you’ll be treated as much. I want you to know that you’re worthy of everything good and beautiful even if you don’t have it yet, don’t let the feelings of  inadequacy hold you back from chasing your dreams.

4. Self Respect; This is simply the application of your self worth. When you know your worth and hold yourself in high esteem and regard, That is Self Respect. It goes even deeper than that. It’s about not entertaining any situation that compromises you and what you stand for. Do not entertain disrespect or ridicule, learn to walk away from places, situations and people that don’t appreciate your time and efforts. You don’t have control over anyone, the only person you have control over is yourself in a particular situation. Always take the high road. You shouldn’t have to tolerate verbal or physical abuse from anyone, Anyone who says things and behave in a manner that brings you down and errodes your self esteem doesn’t deserve a seat at the Table of your life. You deserve to be surrounded with people that respect you and it starts with you respecting yourself. Never put your self in a situation where someone can disrespect you, Do your work efficiently, don’t be rude to other people, Don’t cross any boundaries and respect others. Remember Respect is reciprocal. Don’t forget to check disrespect when it happens, if it happens and you do not say anything, people just assume you’re okay with being mistreated. You’re not anyone’s door mat, You deserve to be respected regardless of your station and orientation in life. 

5. Self Expression; This is basically how we choose to express ourselves to the world. It comes down to how we choose to dress and look, how we share our thoughts and opinions and beliefs to the world around. A lot of people are afraid of expressing themselves cause they feel ‘oh people won’t like me if I’m this way or that way’, the pressure to go along with the beliefs and opinions of others just to please them. There’s a lot of brainwashing and herd mentality going on social media which makes it more important than ever to know who you are and not be afraid of expressing yourself and staying authentic in what you believe in. It’s okay to think for yourself, when you hear about an idea, think about it first and see if it resonates with your belief system before going along with it. Don’t be afraid of being your authentic self. You’re free to disagree respectfully.

6. Self Confidence; This is simply the courage to be who you are, it is said that confidence is the sexiest thing you can wear. It comes with being comfortable with who you are, not needing the approval of others, not caring about the judgement of others

                 All things being said, it’s impossible to be your authentic self without honesty. The most dangerous lie is the one we tell ourselves cause we tend to believe it. Have the courage to tell yourself the truth, be honest. You can’t be honest others if you aren’t honest with yourself.

Self love is simply the  journey that starts with the acceptance of one’s self, an appreciation and then the willingness and commitment to the  improvement of one’s self.

  I hope I have been able to teach you one or two things that I’ve learned about self love and I hope that I’ve also broadened your perspective about the Topic. Start your self love journey today and start reaping the rewards in your interpersonal relationship with others.