Getting Through Trauma

         

 Trauma; according to the English dictionary can be defined as an emotional wound leading to psychological injury, a second definition describes it as an event that causes great distress, both of these definitions I completely agree with. We’ve all had our share of traumas, I’ve had mine. I have experienced a few devastating events in my lifetime and I want to share what my thought process was during those difficult times and what I’ve learned.
When something terrible has happened to us, we tend to self blame before anything else. We wonder and we think I must’ve done something wrong for this to happen to me. The things we tell ourselves, things that I’ve told myself in times like this include; “I wasn’t smart enough”, “I was too weak”, “I should’ve been more careful”, “I should’ve listened to my gut”, “why was I so naive”, “There must be something wrong with me”, “maybe I was unlovable and unworthy of being loved”, “It’s all my fault”. You beat yourself up with these words, maybe even replay the event in your mind, wondered how you could’ve avoided it, why it was you and not somebody else. The catch is, none of this helps and it causes even more psychological trauma, more pain, more heartache, self guilt, self blame and self reproach. We become fixated, we become victims, we might feel trapped.
Pain, anger, sadness and resentment become our best buds. It becomes consuming, we have the urge to act out, to do something, anything to numb the pain, to make it go away, to banish it for however long we can to just have a moment of peace, joy, freedom and happiness for however long. People find distractions in many things; food, drugs, sex and gambling and so many others to numb their pain, a raging internal chaos that is never ending.
Sleep becomes an escape, an escape from the chaos and the pain and what happens when all you want to do is sleep forever to attain the peace. The thoughts of suicide begins to loom in, because you feel nobody understands, nobody really cares, the world has moved on but you feel stuck, you feel alone in the midst of family and friends because all they can do is sympathize, none can really empathize.
 Recovery from any kind of trauma is long, hard and painful. It is not linear, there will be relapses, there will be days you will feel lost and overwhelmed. How do you begin the recovery process.
  The very first step is accepting that you can’t change what has happened to you and it’s not your fault. You can’t take sole responsibility for your trauma, let go of that baggage, it’s not yours to carry. Reliving the scenerio isn’t going to change it, all it will do is break you down. It’s time to leave it behind you. You’re not a victim, you’re a survivor, you’re a warrior. It is true that your experience has changed you but you determine how it will. Take what you’ve learned from it and use it as a driving force to change your life, The fact that you’re scarred shouldn’t make you feel less, You’re beautiful, you’re worthy, you deserve everything good. You’re amazing, you’re a fighter, you rise everyday despite pain that tries to hold you down.
Don’t let the urge to isolate yourself win, let people in, you’re not alone. It’s okay to have a confidant, a friend, a therapist. You can’t do it alone, its okay to have somebody hold your hand and cheer you up on your journey to recovery and healing.
Get through one day at a time, don’t beat yourself up for relapses. It’s a journey and its not linear. Forgive yourself, embrace yourself, it’s not your fault the world isn’t kind sometimes.